Is Plastic Fence an Oxymoron?: … Or just Moronic, Design Mysteries Series

Wooden Fence / Vinyl Fence
Hard to tell the difference until you need to repair the plastic fence!

Who thinks that plastic fencing is a good idea?

Maybe the people or make it, sell it and install it does, but I’m not sure there is one satisfied customer anywhere. Why do I say this? Because what I see when I look at Plastic Fencing is missing top caps, splintered horizontals and cracked uprights. And that’s the obvious stuff. It also seems to only come in ‘white” or is that me again just seeing miles of white plastic fencing with gap-toothed tops and bottoms.  Okay, it comes in “brown” also, both light and dark and I also have seen a few black fences, very hipster. What made us think this was a good idea? What made anyone think plastic fencing was a good idea? Ahh! Money! Profits! Easy installation! No painting! All good reasons to do something until the reality check sets in and the product become a nightmare.

My first question about the vinyl fence is how do I repair it, because everything I’ve seen tells me that it’s not very easy to repair, short of replacing a whole section of fence that is six feet long and throwing out the six-foot piece that you just replaced. The photo of the plastic fence repaired with plastic ties proves my point. At least that it’s hard to fix parts of a plastic fence. If one stave in a wooden fence is damaged you just remove it and replace it with a new piece and then the broken stave goes in the fireplace for a quick recycling it into heat.

Plastic Fence Repaired with plastic ties………NICE!

Why did we abandon wood as a fencing material and resort to plastic? I’m not sure but it wasn’t because anyone thought about it too much.

If you have ever read Tom Sawyer, you would remember how Tom convinces Ben and a bunch of other boys that whitewashing a fence is perhaps the greatest thing they could be doing because Aunt Polly was so particular about how it was done. And well, they were just not up to doing it.  Ben so wants to prove Tom wrong that he trades his apple for the opportunity to prove to Tom that he can meet Aunt Polly’s standards. Of course, Tom convinces not only Ben but all of his friends that whitewashing a fence is a noble endeavour worth trading their most prized possessions for. I’m not sure how you would rewrite this story as a plastic fence story, first of all, it wouldn’t be about painting the fence or even repairing the fence, maybe it’s about taking it down and replacing it with a sustainable wood fence.

Except from Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

Tom considered, was about to consent, but he altered his mind:

“No – no – I reckon it would hardly do, Ben. You see, Aunt Polly’s awful particular about this fence – right here on the street, you know – but if it was the back fence I wouldn’t mind and she wouldn’t. Yes, she’s awful particular about this fence; it’s got to be done very careful; I reckon there ain’t one boy in a thousand, maybe two thousand, that can do it the way it’s got to be done.”

 “No – is that so? Oh come, now – lemme, just try. Only just a little – I’d let you, if you was me, Tom.”

 “Ben, I’d like to, honest injun; but Aunt Polly – well, Jim wanted to do it, but she wouldn’t let him; Sid wanted to do it, and she wouldn’t let Sid. Now, don’t you see how I’m fixed? If you was to tackle this fence and anything was to happen to it – ”

“Oh, shucks, I’ll be just as careful. Now lemme try. Say – I’ll give you the core of my apple.”

“Well, here – No, Ben, now don’t. I’m afeard – ”

 “I’ll give you all of it!”

 Tom gave up the brush with reluctance in his face, but alacrity in his heart. And while the late steamer Big Missouri worked and sweated in the sun, the retired artist sat on a barrel in the shade close by, dangled his legs, munched his apple, and planned the slaughter of more innocents. There was no lack of material; boys happened along every little while; they came to jeer, but remained to whitewash. By the time Ben was fagged out, Tom had traded the next chance to Billy Fisher for a kite, in good repair; and when he played out, Johnny Miller bought in for a dead rat and a string to swing it with – and so on, and so on, hour after hour. And when the middle of the afternoon came, from being a poor poverty-stricken boy in the morning, Tom was literally rolling in wealth. He had besides the things before mentioned, twelve marbles, part of a jew’s-harp, a piece of blue bottle-glass to look through, a spool cannon, a key that wouldn’t unlock anything, a fragment of chalk, a glass stopper of a decanter, a tin soldier, a couple of tadpoles, six fire-crackers, a kitten with only one eye, a brass doorknob, a dog-collar – but no dog – the handle of a knife, four pieces of orange peel, and a dilapidated old window sash.

If there had been a plastic fence in Tom’s day, just think of the stories we would have missed.

#DesignMysteriesSeries [#17]

Design Mysteries Series
Bruce Hannah 2018©